Five Essentials of a Successful Marriage
A Biblical Counselor is often found trying to help couples find their design for marriage, which is fulfilling, but very difficult. A successful, and Biblical, marriage has five components without which it cannot stand. Marriage is a creation of God and therefore, if twisted or misused, cannot possibly contain the blessings God intended for that holy union. By holy, I mean, set apart for God’s use. An unholy union, therefore, is a marriage that is made for reasons that do not include God’s intention for His creation. It does not mean that it cannot succeed for the reasons it was formed; however, it will always miss the mark as far as its potential is concerned.
Some of these five components can be, and often are, copied in a shallow sense. However, as stated above, without God in it, it cannot possibly reach its apex of success. Here are those five essentials that make up a successful biblical marriage.
First, a Biblical marriage is centered on God. It has God as its main object of desire. It acknowledges God’s authority and power in that relationship and honors God’s wishes in within its management. Being God centered, allows the marriage to access the power and blessing that God gives in that acknowledgement.
Second, a biblical marriage takes into account the different types of love, (in Greek, agape or unconditional love; phileo, or friendship love; eros, or erotic love; and storge or family love) and finds a balance between all of them. There are times when each one is appropriate. Different times call for a different approach. When a couple grows, each type of love is developed.
Third, a Biblical Marriage centers on a true conceptual understanding of love. Often we use the Hollywood version, which is far from the meaning that can make a relationship last. 1Cor. 13:4-8 gives us a really accurate and thorough definition. It says that love is patient, kind, not jealous, proud or rude, it is not self-seeking, easily provoked, nor does it seek to embarrass or expose the other; it seeks the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things…to wit, it never fails.
A Biblical marriage takes these vows seriously.
Fourth, a marriage can only fail if one or more parties decide that they are in for what they can get and not what they can give. A failed marriage is a failure to love, not a failure to get love. Commonly, people divorce because the other person is not giving them what they need. This happen sometimes, however, it is often a combined problem where neither of the parties is taking seriously their obligation to love. They are looking for a feeling.
Finally, a great marriage is committed to not letting go. The only failed marriage is one in which the parties have given up. That could be giving up and living together, or giving up and getting a divorce. A divorce is not the end of a marriage; abandonment is. When the parties stop trying, the marriage is dead. That can happen at any time. The good news is, that once resumed, the activity can resurrect the relationship. The only thing necessary is the willingness to put the other first.
So, a great marriage is possible, but in order to have one, one must die to self, put away the high expectations and ambitions. By doing this, it will allow God to work, the other to bloom, and who knows, you might get more than you bargained for.
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Rev. Dr. Cheryl A. Durham, aka”Chaplydia”, Biblical Counselor, Speaker and Discipleship Coach. www.abovenbeyonddiscipleship.net